It takes just one step to change your path. It takes just one step to make a dramatic turn in your business. The only barrier between the current struggle and the dream future is the DECISION to make a difference. It is the decision to make the step forward no matter what it takes.
According to Freud, the unconscious mind is the primary source of human behavior. Our past experiences and repressed memories, stored in our unconscious mind influence our feelings, actions, behavior, and judgment.
We develop our behavioral patterns in childhood within our prime social units, such as family, friends, and school. These patterns can inflict our behavior and prevent us from moving forward.
Explained in the simplest manner, self-sabotage is a behavior where you act in such a way that prevents you from reaching your goals. In most cases, you don’t even realize you are self-sabotaging yourself. It is your silent killer that creates resistance to positive changes in your life and business.
The good news is that you can change that. However, the bad news is you first have to realize you are acting this way have it and identify the category your self-sabotage falls into.
How do you recognize self-sabotage?
There are several ways of its manifestation. Below I am listing a few.
- Destructive self-talk – this is your internal conversation, a monologue with yourself that is taking place in your mind. It can be either positive or negative. The positive one boosts your self-esteem, but in this context, we will briefly look at your critical inner voice. Sentences you have been hearing in your past have become your belief and your only truth about yourself. Messages we hear also impact how we view ourselves. Destructive self-talk can be identified with the sentences listed below that harm your objectivity and increase your uncertainty in any situation.
You are not good enough.
You can’t. You are wrong.
What’ the use, nobody cares.
You can’t win.
Who am I to deserve good things?
You are stupid.
You are a failure.
You’ll be disappointed and humiliated.
- Procrastination or a mindset of I will do it tomorrow – procrastination means putting off the work you know needs to be done urgently, but you are making excuses to avoid tackling it the same day. Once tomorrow comes, you find another excuse to avoid that task. We procrastinate on things that make us feel uncomfortable due to their complexity or high negative emotional attachment to them.
- Being drama queen – to worry about irrelevant little details and which prevent you from moving forward. This behavior correlates with the previous point.
- A chronic feeling of self-doubt – when you have all the knowledge, skills and experiences but you second guess your decisions and do not believe in your powers.
- Destructive relationships – nurturing destructive relationships with yourself and family prevent you from moving forward. This correlates with the following point.
- Low self-esteem – not feeling worthy of success and as a result of it you are surrounded by people that reaffirm your unworthiness.
- Perfectionism – setting high standards for you and others. Perfectionism is linked to fear of failure. Constantly improving every work leads to procrastination which results in decreased productivity. Consequently, you start doubting yourself and feeling unworthy again. This is a vicious cycle and hard to be detected.
If you want to learn more read the article Top 5 self-sabotaging habits to stop right now.
How to overcome self-sabotage and reach your greatest potential?
- Turn your destructive inner monologue into constructive self-talk. Allow your inner voice to become your best ally. Detect your negative thoughts when they occur. Do not suppress them or try to run away from them. Instead, accept them, monitor your negative self-talk and replace it with constructive thoughts. In order to transform yourself, you need to be mindful and present in the here and now.
- Forgive yourself for having self-sabotaging thoughts and give them space to leave. Take a moment to understand them and find a point of time in your past when they occurred – once you do, simply let them go.
- Aim for a little progress each day. Choose realistic goals for yourself instead of setting such goals that only a superhero or heroine could achieve. This will enable you to truly reach them.
- Create a structure/plan that you can hold to and will help you accomplish your goals and desires.
- Accept yourself just as you are with all your shadows.
- Enjoy the fruits of your labor and practice accepting the praise of others. Be aware of your strengths and contributions to the success of your company.
- Become a mentor to others and help them succeed. This will foster the great feeling about helping others and will also serve as a reminder of your own accomplishments.
- Nurture self-worth. To do that, you can use affirmations like “I deserve it” or “I am worthy of it”.
- Seek professional help if you notice that problems you are facing are deep and can not be solved on your own.
By following the above recommendations, you will feel confident and optimistic about yourself and the future. As you will trust your inner powers, you will not get intimidated by the unknown future as you will be certain you have all the skills and knowledge needed. And if by any chance you do not have all the knowledge you need, you will know where to find it.
Changing your habits takes time and discomfort but do not stop when faced with difficulty, because there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
People say life is not to be taken so seriously. Having this in mind, use the letter below to end your relationship with self-sabotage once and for all. Feels good right? ☺
I am ending my relationship with you. You do not serve me anymore.
It took me a long time to realize we were in fact dating, but now that I know this, I do not need you anymore. Feel free to go wherever you are needed as I do not welcome you anymore. Go with love and find your peace☺. I’ve finally found mine.
Has this article been useful for you? How do you recognize self-sabotage?